To Knit or Knot

To knit or knot. That was the question that I asked of me. But what was the answer? I learned how to knit when I was in my early 20s, and I loved it. It was relaxing, entertaining, and I got really good at it. I even consider myself a master knitter, and if you could see some of the lovely tops, sweaters, afghans, baby blankets, Christmas stockings, etc. I created, you would probably agree with me.

There was something so mesmerizing about the sound of the needles clicking, the feel of the yarn in my hands, and watching a simple ball of yarn turn into something beautiful to wear or to give away as a gift. And don’t even get me started about going into a yarn shop. I could spend hours on end looking at the patters, the yarns, and dreaming about all of the wonderful things I could make.

However, 12 years ago I packed away my knitting needles, gave away my yarn, and never looked back. I had just gone through a sad and difficult time in my life, when my sisters and I watched both our parents go through the final stages of leukemia at the same time. For 11 months, as I traveled back and forth from Denver to my hometown in Western Pennsylvania to be with my mom and dad, I knitted. At the airport, on the plane, in the emergency room, in the doctors’ offices, the waiting rooms, treatment centers, and at the bedsides. As they progressively declined, I knitted faster, as if my flying fingers could stop the inevitable. They couldn’t.

After my mother died, I stayed with my dad and knitted furiously, almost knitting myself into a coma. When he died 19 days later, I picked up my knitting to finish the beautiful sweater I had been working on. And put it back down. I just couldn’t do it any more. It was no longer a hobby I loved, but a reminder of a painful time.

I intended to pick it back up again, but before I knew it 12 years had passed. I resigned myself to the fact that I would never knit again. Until now, when I  got the urge to knit again. I tried to ignore it, but the urge got stronger. Finally, with great trepidation, I unpacked my needles and looked through my patterns. That did it.

I went to a yarn shop the following day. As soon as I stepped into the shop, I knew I was home. That was one month ago. Since that day, I have knitted 6 and a half scarves, one baby blanket, and have a list of patterns waiting for my nimble fingers to work their magic. And I’m no longer tied up in knots. About anything (or almost anything), because I have rediscovered a passion that I loved and was missing for so long without even knowing it.

My question for you is, what have you given up that gives you comfort, pleasure, relief, or great joy? Whatever it is, maybe it’s time to revisit it. You might be surprised how good it makes you feel. It might even help you unravel a few knots of your own.